her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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