i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
