I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
