We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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