we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
