Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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