hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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