New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
