took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
