i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
