I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
