two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
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