one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
