no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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