You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
