i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
