Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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