I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
