Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
