Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
