I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
