OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
