It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
