we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
