I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
