Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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