hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
