mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he thought i was a dude.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
