I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
