Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
