yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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