The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
