I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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