I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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