she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
