Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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