6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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