I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
