i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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