Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
