i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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