Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
