Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
