I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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