Where did you get a picture of my penis
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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