I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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