Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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