He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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