i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
