My hair reeks of homosexuality.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
