Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
