Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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