I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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