just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
