my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
