I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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