do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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