Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
